The Second Post

It ought to be less silly than the first.
So I am going to write about my family. I have three sons. Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself. But then they come in and hug me, or make some noise in their room, or just come in and demand food, and then I remember that it is true. I do have three sons. Often at night I dream that I live alone, still young and unmarried, and feel just awful. Wake up sweating or shivering depending on the season, and sit up in bed looking around in the darkness. And when I completely wake up, there they are, Mr. Husband sleeping next to me, and the three boys snoring quietly in the next room. I do go over to the next room to check if they are really there, just because it is hard to believe it in the middle of the night.
I wonder if other mothers feel the same.
It is actually great that I am already 43, a great deal of my life is behind me, a great deal of trouble, misery and loneliness. Well. I may become lonely and miserable overnight, and even more troubles may come, but at least what is gone is gone.
Not a truly life-loving attitude, is it? But I do love life. I enjoy every single day of it. Every single minute of it. Even the ones I do not really enjoy, I enjoy. Enjoy the bad things too. I feel amazed that things are actually happening to me. Weird? Let me give you an example.
When I was miscarrying my babies, I felt so awful, both times, kept asking WHY? WHY? you can imagine, but underneath I felt something else, that I am alive, and things are happening to me. Bad things, true, but are happening.
It sounds dreadful. especially for a second post.
But here it is.